Ten Things That Can Happen If You Force Yourself to Fit in Anywhere

Ron McIntyre
4 min readNov 22, 2023

The desire to belong and fit in is a fundamental human need. We all want to be accepted and liked by our peers and society. However, there can be negative consequences when we go to great lengths to force ourselves into situations or groups where we don’t naturally fit.

We do this at work and home, so it can make a difference when you choose to be authentic and live life as yourself, not what others think you should be. This article will explore ten things that can happen if you try too hard to fit in anywhere.

1. Loss of Authenticity:

One of the most significant consequences of forcing yourself to fit in is the loss of authenticity. You may find yourself compromising your values, beliefs, and authentic personality to conform to the expectations of others. This can lead to a sense of emptiness and a lack of self-identity.

However, before you think about this, you must become self-aware and understand your values, principles, and vision for your future. If you are struggling with this, find a personal coach to help you settle the questions and document your foundation.

2. Stress and Anxiety:

Trying to fit in where you don’t naturally belong can be incredibly stressful. The constant effort to be someone you’re not will lead to anxiety, as you worry about being “found out” or rejected by the group. This is the basis of imposter syndrome, a terrible place to be. This stress and anxiety can become permanent if you can’t reconcile the differences.

3. Emotional Exhaustion:

The emotional toll of pretending to be someone you’re not can be exhausting. You may constantly feel drained and overwhelmed as you try to maintain a façade that doesn’t align with your true self. Having to look over your shoulder continually is a burden that no one should carry. Be wary of anyone pushing the “fake it until you make it” mantra. If you don’t know something but are willing to learn it, then be honest and work on it.

4. Relationship Strain:

Forcing yourself to fit in can strain your relationships. Forming genuine connections with others is challenging when you’re not being authentic. People may sense your insincerity, leading to distrust and strained relationships. Trust issues do not make any relationship better. They usually destroy relevant relationships, personal or business.

5. Low Self-Esteem:

Continuously trying to fit in and failing can negatively impact your self-esteem. You may begin to feel inadequate, unlikable, or unworthy, which can erode your self-confidence. Self-confidence is vital for personal success. If you don’t trust yourself, how will anyone else trust you? I have always recommended that you keep a diary of your successes and failures and what you learned from them. Be honest; capture the details so you can summarize anytime.

6. Missed Opportunities:

By focusing too much on fitting in, you might miss out on opportunities that align better with your authentic self. Recognizing that you don’t have to conform to societal norms to succeed or find happiness is essential. Learn the basics of respect for yourself and those around you, regardless of their role, position, or attitude.

7. Burnout:

The pressure of trying to fit in everywhere can lead to burnout. You may constantly strive to meet others’ expectations, leaving you physically and emotionally drained. The key to maintaining this attitude is to ensure that your YES is YES and your NO is NO. Make the decision based on your self-awareness and willingness to assist someone in need, but don’t overload your calendar.

8. Short-Term Satisfaction, Long-Term Discontent:

While you might experience short-term satisfaction from gaining acceptance or approval in a group, it often leads to long-term discontentment. Living a life that isn’t true to who you are can leave you feeling unfulfilled and unsatisfied in the long run. It takes determination and resilience to hold your ground when shooting for long-term outcomes instead of short-term. The choice is yours. However, peer pressure may be something you will have to deal with.

9. Missed Personal Growth:

Personal growth occurs when you step out of your comfort zone and embrace your unique qualities and experiences. By forcing yourself to fit in, you may miss valuable opportunities for personal development. You will always learn more from your mistakes than you do from any class or coach, but again, it takes persistence and fortitude to maintain the course.

10. Regret:

Ultimately, you may reflect on your life and regret the time you spent trying to fit in everywhere instead of being true to yourself. Regret can be a powerful and lingering emotion affecting your overall well-being.


While the desire to fit in is natural, balancing adapting to different situations and staying true to yourself is crucial. Forcing yourself to fit anywhere can significantly negatively affect your mental and emotional well-being. Instead, focus on self-acceptance and self-awareness. Seek out environments and relationships that appreciate you for who you indeed are. You’ll find true happiness and fulfillment in these authentic connections.



Ron McIntyre

Ron McIntyre is a Leadership Anthropologist, Author, and Consultant, who, in semi-retirement, is looking to help people who really want to make a difference.